


all my tomorrows

by clio



Series: winner drabbles [2]
Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Some dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7838227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clio/pseuds/clio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When things are good, they're beautiful. It's when things are bad that Seunghoon isn't so sure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all my tomorrows

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. I don't even know what this is. Also, tenses might be weird.

 

When things are good, they’re fucking beautiful.

Jinwoo is easily the most beautiful thing his sorry eyes have ever been lucky enough to land on, and Seunghoon thanks the sun and the moon and the stars that he decided to ditch his usual morning commute and take the scenic way to work that day. He's just rounded a corner, bagel in mouth, when he sees the most disarming man step out of coffee shop ahead of him.

Feet moving on their own, Seunghoon spits out his bagel and curses his choice of onion of all things, and with more bravado than he feels, easily falls into step next to Jinwoo who looks up at him in surprise.

He musters every ounce of charm in every dormant fiber in his being that morning. Seunghoon knows that Jinwoo is different. Knows it to be true with every amused smile Jinwoo flashes his way, with every sideways glance that strikes his very core.

Seunghoon is unforgivably late to work that morning, but he is more than happy to deal with the surly remarks from his supervisors. After all, he has Jinwoo’s phone number—scribbled onto the receipt from that morning’s bagel order—burning a hole in his pocket.

He quickly finds that being with Jinwoo is almost too good to be true. They play and kiss and dance and fuck and laugh and laugh and laugh and Seunghoon knows he's never going to feel the way he feels with Jinwoo with anyone else. It is the easiest and best thing in the world to be with Jinwoo when things are good.

 

 

 

 

 

When things are bad, Jinwoo disappears.

For days upon days that bleed into weeks, Jinwoo disappears—gone one afternoon without so much as a fucking _see you later_ —and Seunghoon bites the edges of his nails to the point where they’re a raw, mangled mess, but at least it keeps him distracted enough that he doesn’t pick up the phone and demand to know where Jinwoo is, and why did he go, and was he eating enough, and did he still love him.

Not that he could even reach Jinwoo.

So Seunghoon bides his time. He goes to work everyday, he keeps the apartment clean and does the shopping, he calls his mother, and even finds the energy to wink at the mail carrier. But every night that Jinwoo doesn’t come home, Seunghoon stares at the ceiling and wonders if this is it. If this is the time that Jinwoo doesn’t come back. The time when he leaves for good.

He fists their covers and buries his face into Jinwoo’s pillow and tries to placate his breaking heart.

But Jinwoo always comes back.

And this time is no different. When Seunghoon opens the door one evening, responding to a tentative knock, one, two, taps on their front door, he already knows what he’ll find on the other side.

Jinwoo stands there biting his lip and his (now longer) hair falling into his eyes, looking so small and drawn into himself that Seunghoon wants to envelop him in his arms and kiss away every bad and worrying thing from his mind.

But he doesn’t, because Jinwoo is also standing there reeking of sin and sex and every cruel and hurtful thing that makes Seunghoon’s stomach clench in revulsion and his throat close up in heartache. He doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t say word. He just opens the door wider, lets Jinwoo inside.

Because there is still that part of him that wants to fall against Jinwoo, filthy as he is, and hold him tight because _he came back, he came back, he came back._

Jinwoo sits in the bathtub, knees drawn to his chest, as Seunghoon kneels next to the tub and washes his back. He bites his tongue every time he discovers a new mark on Jinwoo’s body, the remnants of kisses delivered in the throes of passion, of oblivion.

It’s after Seunghoon’s dumped another bucket of warm water over Jinwoo’s head that the other reaches up and grabs Seunghoon’s wrist. Seunghoon watches as Jinwoo cradles his hands against his face, pressing Seunghoon’s warm palms against his cheeks.

It’s then that Seunghoon realizes that Jinwoo is crying.

Jinwoo’s tears trickle across his skin and Seunghoon knows it’s as much of an apology as he is going to get. After so many scenes just like this, the words _I’m sorry_ seem to lose all meaning.

Because he knows, just as Jinwoo does, that this won’t be the last time Jinwoo disappears.

And Seunghoon wants so badly to be angry, to shake Jinwoo and ask him why does he have to do this, why does he have to hurt so badly he has to hurt himself, and how could Jinwoo say that he loved him yet demand that Seunghoon be understanding of his betrayal. That Seunghoon forgive him for his endless affairs and constant toying of his heart.

But Seunghoon knows, just as Jinwoo does, that he can’t bring himself to stay angry. Not when Jinwoo is so broken, not when he knows that every time Jinwoo disappears, it is not a careless act of aggression but a desperate cry against his demons.

So Seunghoon forgives.

As best as he can, he pulls Jinwoo to the edge of the tub, runs his hands across his shoulders and holds him as Jinwoo cries even harder—so grateful for Seunghoon’s forgiveness but all the while knowing he’s undeserving of it.

Tomorrow, Jinwoo will smile at him and make him promises they both know he won’t keep, but he’ll nod and pass him the milk to go along with his coffee, and Seunghoon will pretend that he believes him.

And maybe one day it will happen. Maybe Seunghoon will believe in Jinwoo’s conviction, and maybe one day it will be enough. Maybe, one day, Seunghoon will be enough.

But for tomorrow, they will try again.

 


End file.
